I'd rather have no contact

Hello All! It's been awhile since I last checked in, but everything is going well over here. I had another ultrasound yesterday and baby Anneliese Mae is now 1 lb and 3 oz. She was sucking her thumb and had her other hand on her neck (Tori does this while relaxing, whether in front of the TV, cuddling, or falling asleep). Unfortunately the pictures I got printed out just showed her profile, but I'll post those as soon as I get a chance.


In other news, John emailed me last night a 1 sentence email, and I immediately checked my chat program that hosts googletalk as well as a few other chat services I use (let me know if you use these since I'm on all the time between my phone and the computer, and we can add each other's screen names) and he was online! My heart soared and I couldn't have been happier. I said hello and then continued to tell him how things were going over here and that I was on my phone, so I had to run to the computer room to hop on the computer to talk. That's when he said he couldn't talk. I was so disappointed. I haven't been able to talk to him in days, and I really miss him. This ended with me crying on the couch and finally just going to bed because I was done with the day.

So, I've decided I'd rather not hear from him, or at least get a email in the middle of the night while I'm asleep than to get one while I'm awake and not be able to talk to him. It's just too hard knowing he's there to talk, but I can't talk to him. Hopefully once they FINALLY finish this transition between John and the other guy things will get better, but it seems like I'm beginning to say that every day, and don't know when the day will come where I won't have to. It's frustrating.

Today is day 10. How the heck am I supposed to do this for another 120 days??? Little alone the last 10-20 days with an infant and a toddler. I really wouldn't recommend my situation to anyone. Being without John isn't easy, but being pregnant and without John while I'm trying to juggle doctor’s appointments where Tori isn't allowed (during flu season), road trips (hopefully I'll be down in Santa Cruz late next week, depending on weather), hospital registration, keeping house, raising our daughter (which on its own drives me crazy. I say this while she's locked herself in the same room as me and is screaming at full volume and running around. It's a VERY small space), and all the other odds and ends like vet appointments, dentist appointments, etc. I'm just really glad I decided to not take school this semester. I was really tempted to, but I probably would have missed my finals due to having a baby, and I would have had to try to find more online classes I need (at this point the only classes I need are hard science classes like anatomy and physiology, all of which are in-class, not online). So, anyway, one less thing to juggle is always good. Now if only I could eliminate one of the other bazillion things...