Best Saturday Night, Ever

Now, before I start, I just want to let everyone know I support my friends 100% while their husbands are deployed. This means listening to venting, hanging out, bringing dinner, etc. I have no problem with a little bit of the deployment blues. What I do have a problem with, is women (and men) who feel like they are the only ones in the world who have gone through a deployment and like to complain about it on a daily basis. Over the years I've run across a few of these, and in the beginning, I was understanding, but, after months of complaining and whining about their husband being gone, I had to keep myself from telling them what I really think. And, because of this, I've lost a few friends. Good news is, they weren't that great of friends to begin with. It was usually me giving, and them taking, and nothing reciprocal. Definitely not my idea of a great friendship.
Anyway, last night I stumbled across a Facebook post on a military spouse group. It said that this girl told her friend to suck it up after she had been complaining non-stop about having to have a child while her husband was deployed. Having done this, I can relate where a lot of women cannot. Most women aren't forced into that situation, and I'm glad. But, in all honesty, it wasn't that big of a deal to me. It's not like John was such a HUGE help while I was in labor the first time, and I was planning on having my best friend Andrea and my mom along my side anyway. So, yeah, I understand complaining a few times, but on a daily basis? It's not going to change the fact that you need to be a strong woman and get through the situation on your own two feet. When you marry a man in the military, you know full well going in that you're going to spend a lot of nights alone. It comes with the territory.
So, after stating my opinion on this group (which is what it's for) all sorts of women started jumping down my throat. It was hilarious. First, the were arguing my words, which is what a good ol' fashion debate is supposed to be like. And I was enjoying it. But, all too soon was this great debate over and people were throwing out words and phrases that not only had I never heard, but put a terrible taste in my mouth. I can swear like a sailor if I choose to, but, for the most part, I feel like I am more intelligent than that and can articulate a thoughtful sentence without dropping the F bomb every other word. That and the grammar was terrible. I happen to be an English nerd, so I understand not everyone enjoys putting a sentence together correctly or even knows how, but, at least take advantage of the spell check on your computer!! It's hard to ignore a word underlined in red, and even easier to click on it and choose the correct word.
After that, one girl (and then a few of her friends) decided to start attacking me personally. I guess they were running out of things to say about the topic (perhaps I had argued my point well?) and started bashing me about the sweater I had on in my profile picture. I have had numerous comments on my sweater, so, I'm really not sure what they thought was so ugly about it, but, whatever. I happen to love that sweater, and could care less what a bunch of drunken (yes, they made numerous comments about drinking Smirnoff, which is a whole other hilarious side to this thread), inarticulate, uneducated, women have to say about my appearance. I just thought it was hilarious they kept telling me I had an ugly sweater, over and over again. I actually at one point even told them that the ugly sweater comments weren't working and they should find something else to bash me on. I believe I also threw in "sweetheart." Funny thing is, that stopped the personal attacks. Ha.
Anyway, towards the end, I decided to just take the high road, and be nice, which turned the whole thread into a nice little light-hearted conversation. That's about when I left the thread, but I kept checking back on it and another girl came in and started talking smack about me and a couple of my friends who were backing me up. I decided to refrain since it would have just been far too easy to prove my point once again, but, it definitely took a little internal fortitude. I really wanted to defend myself, but I know that's exactly what they wanted. Especially when they started calling me and my friends Stepford Wives. I don't know which is funnier, that, or the ugly sweater...
So, looking back on the conversation this morning, I feel like it's something I need to print out and save because it is just too hilarious. I never stepped over the line and held myself like an adult, which is more to say about the rest of them. I have met some amazing women both on Facebook and in real life who are friends I know I can count on for anything (and have) during my military spouse career so far. It always amazes me when I find a woman who is SO much different and thinks they are the best thing since sliced bread, but, when the military hires young men and women straight out of high school, and they don't have the opportunity to really grow up, it's easy to hang on to that cattiness so many school age girls have. It's unfortunate and I hope, for their own sake, they learn to mature in a way that will bring them happiness in life. Because, we all know, it's those catty girls that are attacking others to make up for their own short comings.

Why Friday? WHY!?!

I'm back!! I know, you're thinking, I had no idea she went anywhere! Well, you're right. I've actually just been going crazy (turns out, it is as bad as Hollywood makes it seem). March has NOT been nice to me. And neither have my children. If you're interested, let me just give you a run down of TODAY.

9:00AM: Find Victoria with red nail polish.
9:02AM: Notice the red nail polish has been shared with Anneliese, who is now finger painting her high chair tray.
9:28AM: Finish wiping entire kitchen/dining room down with nail polish remover. This includes throwing out a couple plates.
9:30AM: Calm down enough to allow Victoria out of her room.
10:22 AM: Find Anneliese near the cat box in the bathroom while Victoria is going potty. Annie is chewing on something.
10:22:30AM: Learn the item in question is not actually cat poop, but a raisin. Laugh and call mom.
11:14AM: Friend arrives, and promptly enters the car to head towards the fabric store.
11:45AM: Arrive at store, Victoria tries to bolt into traffic.
12:30PM: Leave fabric store, Victoria, once again, tries to run into the parking lot towards car.
12:35PM: Head to new fabric store (John will not like this place for financial reasons), and fall in love.
2:00PM: Get girls home and down for a nap. Time to relax.
2:30PM: Tori decides she doesn't want to take a nap. Scratch relaxing.
3:30PM: Remember to defrost cube steaks for dinner. Frantically throw them in microwave.
5:00PM: Toss cube steaks in pan, find bag of coleslaw in fridge. Follow directions, and after making the coleslaw, remember you really dislike it. Skip veggies for dinner and eat only steak.
5:15PM: Finish dinner, and go sit on the couch to digest. Hear Victoria rummaging around in bathroom. Call Victoria to front room, see she is covered in make-up. Send child to time out.
5:18PM: Remove child from time-out and make sure they are clear as to why playing with mommy's make-up is bad. Point is not received, despite numerous efforts.
5:49PM: Grab children and head towards car to run few quick errands before bedtime. Pull on door handle 3-4 times, each pull slightly more frantic.
5:50PM: Look on center console of vehicle, and see car keys. Call husband, who refuses to be late for work to bring me spare.
5:52PM: Yell in garage.
5:53PM: Head inside, and inform fellow errand runners you will not be joining them.
6:30PM: Victoria finds garlic powder and decorates floor. Sent to bed early.
8:45PM: Anneliese is still wide awake and giggling.
9:30PM: Mommy is tired, Anneliese is not. Going to be a long night.

First night out in YEARS

So last night I went out for a friend's birthday party in SLC. It was a blast. We went to a dueling piano bar, and it was so much fun! The pianists knew so many songs and people would make requests, so the music was so many different genre's. Anyway, I haven't gone out with friends for so long. It was really nice to have the break from my kids. I love how I don't need to leave them for long for me to miss them and "renew" my appreciation and love for them. So, this morning when I woke up, it was great to see their smiling little faces and cuddle with them.
So, thank you to my wonderful husband to hanging out with them pretty much all day and letting me go out to celebrate my friend, Carole's, birthday. I love you so much. Next time though, I'm dragging you out with me!! No pulling the old man card, I won't take no for an answer. ;)

Sliced my finger WIDE open

So last night while I was making dinner and washing off my cutting board between chopping up some things, I made the mistake of running my ring finger on my right hand down my VERY sharp chef's knife. Lots of blood, and a few whispered cuss words (my children were hanging out in the kitchen with me) and John was heading to the bathroom to get me hydrogen peroxide and a bandaid. Turns out, the bandaid was not enough. I soaked through it in a minute. Haha. So, I went to gauze and tape, which also were soaked through, but slowed the bleeding down, switched the gauze out again after I finished cooking dinner, and taped it up like a mummy.
This AM I looked down and noticed (after cooking breakfast) that the bleeding had started again. So, took off the gauze, cleaned it up again, and put on a clear bandaid (it's pretty rad) really tight. The bleeding has stopped. So, now I just need to keep my fingers crossed that I don't need to go get stitches. I REALLY don't want stitches. My pulse quickens just thinking about it. :( Ha. I know, I'm a pansy.
Anyway, really sucks. Especially when I forget and try to type with that finger.

Samosas with Mint Dipping Sauce

Some people have been asking about my vast collection of recipes lately, so, I've decided to start posting them as often as I can on here to basically put my collection online for all of you to access. I'm also organizing all the past blogs to make it easier to search for what you're looking for! Thanks everyone for reading this and keeping up with me and my beautiful little family. XOXO

SAMOSAS WITH MINT DIPPING SAUCE

Ingredients

• 1 large potato (about 1/2 a pound, use 2 if needed), peeled and diced
• 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil (EVOO)
• 1 small onion, finely chopped
• 1/2 jalapeño pepper, seeds and stem removed, finely chopped
• 2 teaspoons fresh ginger (about a half-inch piece), grated
• 1 clove garlic, chopped
• 1/2 teaspoon coriander seeds
• 1 1/2 teaspoons curry powder
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 1 plum tomato, seeded and finely chopped
• 1/4 cup frozen peas, thawed
• 1/4 cup vegetable stock, a little more or a little less to loosen filling
• 2 tablespoons (about a palmful) fresh cilantro, chopped
• 1 package (2 9-inch rounds) store-bought, raw pie dough
• 1 egg, beaten with a splash of water
  
  
  For the Mint-Cilantro Dipping Sauce:
• 3 to 4 cloves garlic
• 1 one-inch piece of ginger
• 1 bunch fresh mint, leaves removed from stems
• 1 bunch fresh cilantro, leaves removed from stems
• 1 jalapeño pepper, seeds and stem removed
• 1 teaspoon sugar
• Salt
• Juice of 2 limes
• 1 tablespoon water
• 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil (EVOO)

Yields: 4 servings of 4 samosas each

Preparation

Preheat oven to 400°F.

Cook the potatoes in a large saucepan of boiling, salted water until tender, about 3-5 minutes. Drain and reserve in the same pot you cooked them in.

In a large skillet over medium-high heat, add EVOO. Add onion and cook until soft, about 3-4 minutes, then add jalapeño, ginger, garlic, coriander seeds, curry powder, cumin, allspice, cinnamon, and salt and freshly ground black pepper, and cook about 2-3 minutes. Stir in the drained potatoes, tomato, peas, and cilantro and cook another minute. If the filling seems too thick, add a splash or two of vegetable stock. Remove from the heat and let cool.

On a lightly floured surface, unroll both doughs. Cut each dough round into 8 equal wedges, like a pizza so you have 16 long wedges.

Spoon 1 teaspoon of the potato filling onto the middle of each wedge. Brush the edges of the dough with egg wash and fold up, bringing the three points up to each other, then pinching at the seams to form a small pyramid. Brush the outside of each samosa with egg wash and transfer to a baking sheet. Bake 15-20 minutes, until golden brown.

While the samosas are in the oven, prepare the dipping sauce: Place garlic and ginger in the food processor and pulse until finely chopped. Add the mint, cilantro, jalapeño, sugar, salt and lime juice, and puree until ground. Add water and EVOO, pulse to combine.

Serve up the samosas with the dipping sauce alongside.

Fire Safety

Thank you Groupon.com for this dose of laughter this Wednesday morning:

For as long as matches have existed, so has fire. If you suspect that your house may be aflame, stay safe by following these simple steps:

S-M-O-K-E

S: Search for the source. The only way to protect yourself is to be informed.
M: Measure the diameter of the fire. The firemen need this for their records.
O: Open a window next to the flames so that a stiff breeze might blow the fire out.
K: Kiss all of your favorite possessions. You won't have time to take them with you.
E: Escape up the chimney (the last place a fire would look for you) and wait quietly on the roof for rescue.

The concept of democracy

Children apparently cannot grasp this concept. I am currently watching my friend's two kids, ages 1 and 3 today for awhile and attempted to hold a vote for which princess movie we were going to watch. So, after having Princess and the Frog win 2-1 (Annie was asleep, and wouldn't have cared anyway), the one who had not voted for the movie threw a bit of a fit and went to lay down in a different room. Ha. Whatever makes them happy. My house is actually quiet. Victoria was so tired, she passed out before the movie even started! Ha. 

Anyway, more to come, but at the moment, I am going to take advantage of the quiet and get a bit of cleaning done!!

Just kidding, Annie woke up, and I don't think 1 of the girls I'm watching is going to take a nap... oh well. A few moments were nice. :)

Whole Wheat, Oatmeal, Banana Pancakes!

Or, at least I'm telling myself they're super healthy because I would like to enjoy them on a regular basis. Ha. These have a lot of dry ingredients, so, since we really enjoyed these this morning, I made a ziplock full of the dry ingredients to use next time (think Bisquick). Also, if you don't want banana flavored pancakes you could use applesauce instead and more cinnamon for an apple cinnamon pancake!

Ingredients

• 1 cup uncooked rolled oats (Old-Fashioned Oatmeal)
• 1 cup whole wheat flour
• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons dry milk powder
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1 egg
• 2 cups milk
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil (could substitute with applesauce)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract (or more, I don't measure this)
• 2 bananas, mashed (I used over-ripe ones from my freezer and defrost them in the microwave for 30 seconds)

Directions

1. Place the rolled oats into the jar of a blender and blend until the texture resembles coarse flour (this depends on what texture you want. Blend more for a smoother texture and visa versa). Whisk together the blended oats, whole wheat flour, all-purpose flour, brown sugar, dry milk powder, baking powder, baking soda, salt, nutmeg and cinnamon in a bowl; set aside.
2. Whisk together the egg, milk, vegetable oil, and vanilla. Stir in the mashed banana. Pour the egg mixture into the flour mixture and stir just until moistened. Over stirring makes the batter (gluten) tougher. Let the batter stand for 5 minutes (could sit overnight for a quick breakfast the next day). Once it has sat and bubbled a bit, do not stir it again! The gluten has already begun to develop as soon as it mixes with the wet ingredients, so any extra speeds up the process.
3. Heat a lightly oiled griddle over medium-high heat. Drop batter by large spoonfuls onto the griddle, and cook until bubbles form and the edges are dry, about 2 minutes. Flip, and cook until browned on the other side. Repeat with remaining batter.

Enjoy these!! Victoria was asking for seconds and Annie polished off almost a whole (small) pancake herself too!!

Tiffany turns pastry chef!

Somewhere in my busy busy life, I have decided to take on the task of learning how to bake FABULOUS specialty cakes from one of my favorite people in the whole world. Alyson Hill is absolutely amazing and is teaching me everything she knows about cooking/baking. She used to cater and bake wedding cakes, and now, she just does it out of her house. Not a bad way to make a little money on the side!

Anyway, we recently co-baked a retirement cake for a woman in John's squadron, and some Valentine's Day cupcakes. Then I single-handedly made an awesome birthday cake for my friend Stephanie. Here are some of the pictures:

"Congratulations MSgt Velisa Harris on your Retirement"

Birthday Cake for one of my favorite ladies, Stephanie Virtue. The gift tag says "To Stephanie. Happy birthday!"

A few Valentine's Day cupcakes, unfortunately, these are the really pretty ones. I forgot to take pictures of those.

Please excuse the dust...

I'm working on perfecting my blog's appearance at the moment, so, you'll probably be noticing some changes over the next week or two. If anyone knows anything about HTML, let me know. I happen to be a little pre-occupied to do much self-teaching on it unfortunately.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Hope you're all enjoying Hallmark's, chocolate companies, and flower retailer's favorite holiday of the year! We're probably going to be having a fairly relaxed day. Delivering cupcakes to John's office, cleaning, grocery shopping, and coming home to cook up a delicious filet mignon wrapped in bacon along side some wild rice and asparagus. I am beyond excited to cook it. I'll have to post some pictures of the final product tomorrow. It should be pretty tasty since it's bacon wrapped. Usually filet mignon dries out very quickly because it's such a lean cut, but, with the bacon lending it some fat, it should retain it's delicious juiciness. Also, something to keep in mind if you're ever debating on cooking up some filet mignon, it's meant to be prepared at either rare or medium rare. If you cook it too much, it becomes rather tough and inedible.
Anyway, enough about that, it's making my mouth water. Ha.
Here are a few pictures of the girls, two of my favorite Valentine's. :)

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!

Chore Wars

So, a friend of mine posted this on facebook the other day. I hate cleaning, almost as if I was allergic to it. Might as well hold me under water (which, by the way, is probably my biggest fear. Don't do it, I'll flip out) or threaten to make me go for a run (also, really unenjoyable).
Anyway, the site is called www.chorewars.com. It's pretty much the kick in the butt I need to motivate me: competition. Unfortunately, John doesn't do much cleaning since he's at work all day, then exhausted by the time he gets home. Or so he says... Ha. So, I think that means I'm competing against myself. But, so far, it's working!
For each chore you do, there are various experience points awarded as well as a possible treasure if you defeat one of the many monsters/perils along the way. So, for example, cleaning the bathroom can earn you 45 experience points, 1-45 gold pieces, and there is a 25% chance of treasure (torn spellbook, ruby ring, +1 plunger, and a towel cloak) if you beat the 50% chance of encountering a wandering monster (tentacle, drain beast, giant spider, water elemental). It truly brings out my inner nerd. My father would be proud. 
Anyway, for those of you who live with other people (or who want to compete with me!), you should join chore wars. It's quite fun. Ha.

10 Things I don't want to hear from my husband

What I don't want to hear from you, my darling husband ...

1. Details of how successful or unsuccessful your trip to the bathroom was. Just don't go there, please. Call your brother; that's what he's there for.

2. That you didn't like the dinner I slaved over all day long. Just smile, feed it to the dog under the table and shut the hell up.

3. How annoying you find the kids, three seconds after walking in the door. I've been with them all afternoon. I know.

4. The dirty joke you heard at work. Chances are, I won't think it's funny. Call your best friend. That's what he's there for.

5. That there are no clean socks. I have been doing laundry all freaking day. I have no idea why the basket is still full and I have no idea where your socks are. Wear a mismatched pair. Wear a dirty pair. Don't wear any at all. Just don't expect me to find you any.

6. That you think I look fat. I don't ever really want to know that, even if I ask. Tell me the color is wrong or it's not as flattering as it could be. Anything but fat.

7. That I haven't changed in two and a half days. I know. I can smell myself. I'll do something about it when I'm good and ready.

8. That your head hurts and your throat tickles and you are really sleepy. Call your mother. That's what she's there for.

9. That you're in the mood. Just go for it, or don't go for it, but I'm too exhausted to discuss it.

10. That you managed to wrangle all of the kids out of the house, to the museum, out to lunch and to the bathroom with no minor catastrophes. I like to think I'm the only one who can handle them, thank you very much.

I got this off of shine on yahoo. I thought it was just too hilarious to share. Especially since they are all so true!

25 Tips on how to Stay Married

I found this online one day and was looking through my computer this morning and found it. It's probably the best advice I have ever been given.

25 Tips on how to Stay Married:

1. Always put him/her first - before work, friends, even your favorite sport. Act as if they're the best thing that ever happened to you, because we all know they are.

2. Keep no secrets. Pool your money. Allow nothing and no one to come between you.

3. Pick your fights with care. Play fair. Show some class. Hurtful words can be forgiven, but they're hard to forget.

4. Fall in love again every day. Kiss him.her in taxis. Flirt with him/her at parties. Tell her/him she's beautiful/handsome. Then tell them again.

5. Never miss an anniversary or a birthday or a chance to make a memory. Memories may not seem important now, but one day they'll be gold.

6. Never give him/her a practical gift. If they really wants a Shop-Vac, let them pick it out themself.

7. Go to church together, and pray every day for each other and your marriage.

8. Pay your bills on time and make sure you each have a living will, a durable power of attorney and life insurance, lest, God forbid, you need them.

9. Love their parents as your own, but don't ask them for money. Never criticize their family or friends. On their birthday, send flowers to their mother with a note saying, "Thank you for giving birth to the love of my life."

10. Always listen to their heart; if you're wrong, say you're sorry; if you're right, shut up.

11. Don't half-tie the knot; plan to stay married forever.

12. Never go to bed mad; talk until you're over it, or you forget why you were mad.

13. Laugh together a lot. If you can laugh at yourselves, you'll have plenty to laugh about.

14. Never criticize, correct or interrupt them in public; try not to do it in private either.

15. Remember that people are the least lovable when they are most in need of love.

16. Never fall for the myth of perfectionism; it's a lie.

17. When you don't like each other, remember that you love each other; pray for the "good days" to return and they will.

18. Tell the truth, only the truth, with great kindness.

19. Kiss at least 10 seconds a day, all at once or spread out.

20. Memorize all their favorite things and amaze them with how very well you know him/her.

21. Examine your relationship as often as you change the oil in your car; keep steering it on a path you both want it to go.

22. Be content with what you have materially, honest about where you are emotionally, and never stop growing spiritually.

23. Never raise your voice unless you're on fire. Whisper when you argue.

24. Be both friends and lovers; in a blackout, light a candle, then make your own sparks.

25. Finally, be an interesting person, lead your own life. But always save your best for each other. In the end, you will know you were better together than you ever could've been apart.

Here's to happily ever after!

Hopefully you can all take a minute to write this down to use in your own marriage. I know, especially as a military wife, marriage definitely isn't easy. Every day is an adventure, but I happen to like it that way. :)

Quickie

A few pictures of my favorite people. LOVE THEM! Even if they drive me up a wall 75% of the time. :)

Never to late to make a resolution

This morning (which is 1-11-11!!! Too cool!) I decided to get a bit of a late start on a New Years Resolution. John and I both rarely floss. And by rarely, I mean "Oh no, I have to be at the dentist's in an hour! I need to floss!" So, my resolution is to floss at least 4 times a week, if not daily. So far, I've got a couple days in a row. And, I even flossed this morning too! Maybe I can even floss 2x a day! Doubtful, but, hey, I can have high hopes!
I'd also like to loose 20 lbs this year, but, Annie is quite at the age where I can go to the gym yet. She starts crying after about 10 minutes. Hence why, it's 20 lbs for the WHOLE year. Ha. Maybe once she starts walking (hard to believe that's right around the corner!!) I'll be able to get in 30 minutes of cardio. The family gym here has a cardio and weight room both with cool play structures. Tori loves them now, but, she used to HATE the gym. So, fingers crossed Annie learns to have fun too.
How is everyone else fairing with their resolutions? Anyone already given up? Ha. Usually, it's about now that I decide whatever I wanted to do isn't going to happen. Ha. Maybe starting late will help? Who knows!

And so it begins...

Well, today I started listing everything we own on the local classifieds. Everything from baby items to our 60 gallon aquarium has to be sold. Japan isn't known for having massive amounts of space and storage. It looks like we'll be downsizing from about 2800 sq ft to about 1000 sq ft, give or take a couple hundred. AHH!
So far, nothing is sold, so, hopefully people will get interested soon. The extra money would be nice to start buying storage bins and packing away things we'll put in our storage unit.
www.Organize.com will be shortly receiving direct deposits from the Air Force since I have a feeling all their space saving things will be extremely handy. Especially since the girls will be sharing a bedroom from the sounds of things. I'd like to color code everything, have one girl have pink storage bins, and another purple, or whatever colors are available in mass quantities. Ha. But, who knows.
If anyone has storage ideas, hints on shared bedrooms, or a method that works well with garage sales, let me know. As soon as spring hits, we will start the numerous garage sales.
One step at a time... breathing...

3 years and counting!

Yesterday John and I celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary! Crazy how quickly it's gone by. We've done so much together that it seems like there is always something on the horizon to keep us busy, which always helps the time tick by faster. We've had 2 babies, purchased (and despised) a house, moved (twice, about to be a third time), gone through a deployment and numerous TDY's (Temporary Duty), and we're currently gearing up to move our family out of the country for at least 3 years. So, although it's only been 3 years, and feels like even less, we've accomplished a lot so far and have high hopes for the future!
I think the trick is planning ahead. Always having something to look forward to together. For us, it's the thought of having the ability to have adventures in Asia and Europe after our tour in Japan. And watching our children grow up into (fingers crossed) successful adults. Without that drive, I think married couples fail. That and knowing a marriage isn't like a rock to lean on, but more like a stream, bending and moving with what is in it's path. Things will be thrown in your way, and it's your job, together, to work it out and move on, and not look back.

On a completely different, and not so much wise note, check out the cake my WONDERFUL friend made for us! She had knee surgery on Thursday, and on Friday I found her baking in the kitchen making not only this cake, but 2 others!!! Crazy lady!

Thinking of Becoming a Parent?

I stole this off my friend Ashley Kelly's facebook page. I'm not sure where she found it, but, it's hilarious and needs to be spread around!

Thinking of becoming a parent? Do this 11 step program first!

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience.

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.

4. Allowing their children to run wild.

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.

Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!