My sour mood Thursday

I woke up crying. The reality of my husband, my best friend, and my soul mate, leaving me to go off to war is just hitting me all too fast. I know he will be safe; he is an anaylst, who will be sitting at a desk, in the middle of a well protected base, after all. But, will I end up being okay? Self doubt is just taking over my esteem, and I can't handle it. I know I can survive without him. We've done this before. But, never have I been pregnant, with a toddler, and had to bring a child into this world alone. I know in the past, men weren't allowed to be in the room when children are born, and that's not what I need him here for. He can't help with labor anyway. No one can, except for Mr. Epidural. What I do need him for is to see him hold our daughter and help me bring her home. I need him to help me introduce her to Tori, who's world is about to change more than she could ever imagine. I need him to help me raising Torin because she's getting close to the age of a lot of huge milestones; potty training, switching to a big girl bed, getting herself dressed, etc. Without him being here, I know she will refuse to do anything new, and the extra stress is just something I cannot deal with.
With this new pregnancy came a lack of patience. What I used to be able to handle has been halved. So, not only do I feel like a bad parent for having such a short fuse, but I'm worried without John here to save me at the end of the day I will end up tearing Tori and I further apart. Numerous times I have just flat out yelled when she made me angry, I've picked her up with a little more force than usual, and have begun to just ignore her so I won't have to deal with putting her on time out over and over again.
Time outs are apparently not working, but I don't know what else to do. I refuse to hit her since she's not old enough to understand why and when I was a child, spankings only made me more afraid of my father. Because of it I never really got to know him, and now it's too late to try and make amends. I refuse to be that parent. But, it seems like there is no middle ground. Victoria doesn't listen to me when I count to 3 anymore, when I put her on time out, and bring her back out, she continues to do the same thing that got her the time out in the first place. And the whining is only getting worse.
I am just at a loss. And of course, because of the deployment, John and I have become more and more distant. We're afraid to leave each other, and because of it, we've just been on edge, and have almost been all out avoiding each other.
Why did I marry a military man? I may be a strong woman, but I'm beginning to think I am just not strong enough. No one should have to go through having a child alone when they are married. It's not right. These things need to be experienced together, as a family. When families are ripped apart and placed halfway across the globe from each other, it's bound to cause issues.
I just want June to be here so we can be a family again and getting back into our old routines.